One thing I strongly connect with my Primary School years is the nightmares I used to have. It was only a couple of years ago that I linked those dreams with what happened in that little room at my Aunt and Uncles’ home. The dreams stopped when I went to High School.

I have always been able to dream that I could fly. It always seems so natural in the moment…and disappointing when I woke up; but the flying dreams that haunted me in that time were paralysing.

In Primary School, I was bullied for my bucked teeth, giraffe legs and I’m sure, my inability to relate to other girls my age. The dream always started with me flying over the oval at Mont Albert Primary School, looking down over the swap card games, elastics, gang chasey and knuckles. I was never very good at any of the girl games. With three brothers, there was no-one to swap cards or play elastics with, and there weren’t enough of us to play gang chasey. I was always included in my brothers’ antics but it was either brandy, cowboys and indians, soccer, hide and seek or cricket. My brothers were my best friends.

I was at peace in the sky, on my own. It was the master of myself, and the sky. I could hover, somersault, float and shoot straight up into a cloud and catch a handful of “fairy floss”.

Always though, my dream would change. The clouds and sky would become black and when I looked down I could see the dark shadow of thunder clouds on the grass. Where, before the sun was shining, a cold wind would suddenly be chilling me to the core. Expecting to  see my friends playing below, I would now find the playground empty. I hadn’t heard the bell go, and  I was left on my own. The chill had taken away my power and now I could barely even fly more than a few feet off the ground.

It was then I would sense that I was being chased. At first, I felt safe because I could fly and he could not, but my confidence soon turned to fear as I realised that I couldn’t get far enough off the ground to completely escape. As the dream progressed, I would always end up flying over a small mound of grass at the side of the oval. The dark shadow of a man would run easily up the mound but I was never able to gain any more height.

Just as he was about to grab my foot, I would wake up. Each time I had that dream, it was the same. For a very long time.