I have all of these things. They are treasures to me. All of these things have changed the direction of my life forever. And they will always be a part of me. I cannot throw them away. How do you throw memories away? Physical or mental, they are always with me, like it or not. I treasure these memories though, as they punctuate an important time of my life with wonderful words and amazing experiences; a time of discovery, a time of, adventure and a time that I learnt about love even though I didn’t grasp it in the way I perhaps should have.
I didn’t learn from it then, it has taken two decades, but I am learning from it now as I write and read and sit alone with the company of the person I should love most .
To understand this, I will have to go back and tell you why the bar for love is set so high. I know what I want and I know what I need; I just didn’t recognize it until now. I would never have recognized it unless I had already experienced it. I’m going to wait now until I find it. I have settled for less before and less is not good enough. I deserve better. It may be around the corner. I may have already met him, but I am happy to bide my time and give myself the grace of a decision that is built on the foundations of experience, friendship and courtship; rather than the immediate gratification of lust and spontaneity.
I’m going to be old fashioned.